Everyone had that one friend (more likely, mutual friend) growing up. You would go play a game of basketball and they would get really into it. They’d start throwing elbows. They’d hurl their water bottle across the court afterwards if they lost. They’d push and shove. And anytime you called them out on it, they would say something to the effect of: “Sorry, I’m just competitive.”
Sadly this is not just kids. There are adults, and I would say a lot of adults, who are like this. A whole category of people who have internalized that ‘being competitive’ is a sort of virtue that outweighs other things (like being kind, or being ethical, or caring about other people). It’s like they get into their competitive flow state from which anything they do is justified.
You see this a lot at tech startups and other high-stakes environments, where being competitive, or “wanting to win” justifies a bunch of things that would otherwise be quite bad. Justifies breaking the law, maybe. Or justifies putting people in fairly inhumane working conditions. Or justifies screaming at someone, like how many of the previous generation’s famous chefs (ahem) seem to believe that verbal abuse is necessary in a kitchen in order to get results.
Competition, to these people, is a kind of excuse. Instead of simply getting results (in a less unethical/mean/careless/etc) way, people act as though they have to be assholes in order to get results. Which in many or perhaps all cases is not true. And that’s sort of my challenge, to the sorts of people who believe that competition and stakes justify being an asshole: is that really true? Or are you just not as effective as you could be? Do you, perhaps, simply not know another way to get results (and have not tried as hard as you could have to find one)? And are you using competition as a lazy excuse to be an asshole when you could be someone else?
And besides, there are many ways to win. If that’s what you actually care about, not just inflating your ego or letting off steam. Sure you can watch aggressive winners. Jobs. Ali. Goggins. Etc. But also check out Kipchoge. Check out Scottie Scheffler. Check out Tadej Pogacar. Roger Federer. Winners. Yep. Assholes. No.
I don’t know if this short essay will really change anyone’s mind, if a competitive person will read it and feel as though their whole worldview is changed. But, well. If you know one. You could send this. And see what they think. Who knows. Maybe it would change their life.
* * *